Tuesday, January 20, 2015

Raw #192 - January 6th, 1997

Tonight’s Raw is rated TV PG. Therefore, it must suck. Tonight’s topics include whether Bret Hart is the best there is, the best there was, and the best there ever will be (which will be debated by Hart and Vader) and Marlena’s breasts, which she flashed at the Sultan on the premiere of Shotgun Saturday Night. Shocking, I know. I had forgotten The Sultan was even in the WWF.

Tuesday, January 13, 2015

Raw #191 - December 30th, 1996

It’s the last Raw of 1996, and Bret Hart will go “face-to-face” with Shawn Michaels, who calls himself “the World Wrestling Federation’s favorite degenerate.” The opening match sees Faarooq team up with an “unlikely” partner, according to Vince, “Stone Cold” Steve Austin. What’s so unlikely about the black nationalist teaming up with a white Texan with a shaved head? They are set to take on Savio Vega and Jesse Jammes in an effort to sneak in one last Savio/Austin match in 1996. Also notable is that this episode is live, breaking an eight-month streak of one live Raw per month.

Monday, December 29, 2014

Raw #190 - December 23rd, 1996

The last Raw before Christmas kicks off with an Intercontinental Title match between Hunter Hearst Helmsley and Wildman Marc Mero. This is possibly Mero’s last title shot against the Blue Blood, but the stipulations state that if Hunter is DQ’ed or counted out, he will lose the title. Lex Luger should have gotten Mero’s lawyer back at Summerslam ’93. Also arriving on the scene are Goldust and Marlena, who sit down among the fans after, as Vince put it, walking through the “thongs.” I think he means, “throngs.” Goldust faces the winner at the Royal Rumble.

Tuesday, December 16, 2014

Raw #189 - December 16th, 1996

It’s the night after In Your House and, for what I believe is the first time in history, Raw opens with an in-ring interview rather than an actual match. Vince acts as if this wasn’t written in the program, but JR acts like he’s known about it all along and steps into the ring with a microphone. Hart complains that things have changed in the WWF, that he can’t tell his enemies from his friends, and that there are no rules in the WWF anymore. He says he’s not going to follow the rules anymore, either and puts Sid, Steve Austin, and Shawn Michaels on notice, calling HBK, “you little prissy.” It’s not the Attitude Era just yet, so he’ll have to settle with “prissy” for now. Bret announces that he will enter the Royal Rumble, then comes to the announcers’ desk for commentary.

Tuesday, December 9, 2014

Raw #188 - December 9th, 1996

Warning: the following blog post contains action of a graphic nature. Reader discretion is advised. But not really. Tonight’s bloodless, taped episode of Raw opens with an unnecessary warning in hopes of luring fans away from Nitro on TNT. Sid, whom Vince touts as leading the WWF into a new era and who JR agrees will be a major force in the WWF for a long time (rather than leaving before next summer’s end) faces fellow champion Hunter Hearst Helmsley, whom he beats up in the aisle.

Tuesday, December 2, 2014

Raw #187 - December 2nd, 1996

Raw opens with no intro for the second week in a row, perhaps in an effort to keep viewers from flipping to Nitro during the theme music. But who needs the Raw theme when Flash Funk’s funky entrance music, funky back-up dancers, and funky Vince McMahon are here to provide us with infinitely more entertainment? “Come on King, shake that thang!” urges Vince. “Come on king, shake the booty!” McMahon is in such a groove that he won’t even let Jerry Lawler’s insults faze him, remarking that were he to knock his toupee off, it indeed “would be funky.”

Tuesday, November 25, 2014

Raw #186 - November 25th, 1996

Bret Hart wrestles on Raw for the first time in months to face Owen Hart, who is accompanied by the man he will beat out for the Best Bow Tie Slammy, Clarence Mason. Owen still has the “King of Harts” playing card lighting during his entrance. Those transparencies they put over the lights can’t come cheat, so you’re darn right they’re gonna get their money’s worth.